The Future You, part 5: Children's Program

When we think about domestic violence, we naturally focus on the person being physically or emotionally abused. But what about the children living in that home? What is their experience?

This is what I used as the basis of the Sojourn presentation this week at the 32nd Annual Prevent Child Abuse Illinois Statewide Conference in Springfield. Combined with Jocelyn's (a collegue) expertise and real world experiences, I'm pretty sure we nailed it. These were our talking points:

• Children experience domestic violence even when they don't witness physical assaults. They hear arguments, threats, crying, and objects breaking. They notice injuries, damaged property, and changes in their parent's behavior.

• Children become exceptionally good at reading their environment. They recognize changes in tone of voice, footsteps, facial expressions, and other signs that trouble may be coming.

• Some children assume responsibility for keeping everyone safe. They comfort a parent, protect younger siblings, or try to intervene in arguments.

• Children may feel responsible for the violence. They may believe that behaving better, getting good grades, or keeping the house quiet will prevent another incident.

• A child can love and fear the same parent. That creates tremendous emotional confusion. Children may defend an abusive parent while simultaneously being frightened of that parent's behavior.

• Children may also experience conflicting feelings toward the nonoffending parent, including love, worry, frustration, or anger.

• Age-appropriate individual and group counseling for children affected by domestic violence is important.

• Children should have opportunities to understand feelings and develop healthy coping skills.

• They should have support for rebuilding a sense of safety and trust.

• They need to receive assistance from adults in understanding their responses to trauma.

At Sojourn, our crisis managers focus on each of these issues with our young clients. They understand that children living with domestic violence aren't simply observing adult problems- they're adapting their entire lives around those problems.

Children receive:

• Individual counseling

• Age-appropriate support

• Safety planning

• Emotional support

• Group activities

• Referrals for additional services when needed

Children don't simply witness domestic violence—they grow up inside it. The fear becomes part of their everyday world. But the story doesn't have to end there. With safety, support, consistency, and caring adults, children can heal. They can learn that love doesn't have to hurt, that home can be peaceful, and that healthy relationships are possible. Every time we protect a child from violence—or help a family find safety—we aren't just changing today. We're changing that child's future.